Call of Duty? More like Modern Snore-fare.
Left 4 Dead 2? More like Expansion Pack Left 4 The Bargain Bin
Street Fighter 4? More like Arm Wrestling 8 Ex Plus ∑ Championship Ω Edition
Halo 3: ODST? More like Halo 3: ROYC (Rip Off Your Customers)
Demon's Souls? More like Shut-In's Utopia.
Killzone 2? More like Killzone 2 Little 2 Late.
No good sir, I'm talking about the best game released this year. Perhaps you've heard of it. No? You already saw it on the list of pretenders up there? Well then, I am here to remedy your ignorance.
Through my usual plucky internet channels, I was made aware of the fact that the demo for Hideki Kamiya's latest masterpiece, Bayonetta, was released.
Kamiya, you deranged genius, you.
If you really must boil Kamiya's brilliance down to something so simple as a genre description, Bayonetta is Kamiya's triumphant return to the 3rd person stylish action genre that he popularized when he and his team released Devil May Cry in 2001. In the demo, you can tell that Kamiya has clearly been taking notes from not only his own creations, but from the other challengers to the throne. Bayonetta controls like a dream; we finally have a game where the gameplay is as smooth as the protagonist herself (hawt). This game will blow your goddamned mind in ecstasy. Don't just take my word for it: Did I mention that Bayonetta was awarded a perfect score by Famitsu, putting it in good company with the likes of The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, Vagrant Story, Soul Calibur, and Metal Gear Solid 4?
Make sure you wear a bib and put up a tarp, because your eyeballs are going to explode. When your wife comes in the room and you tell her you need new eyes because you gazed upon 2009's forbidden masterpiece, remember your brief time with Bayonetta fondly. She'll be waiting for you once your name reaches the top of the eye donor list in 10 years. Or you should probably just skip the whole thing and tell your doctor that you want robot eyes, because only a machine's cold unfeeling logic could possibly process the exquisiteness that is Bayonetta without wanting to burst in ecstasy.
And yet, our lowly technology seems incapable of capturing the sheer majesty of this game. Forgive my trangression Bayonetta! I only wanted to spread your good news!
In conclusion:
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