Surprise! - Game of the Year 2009

Uncharted 2? More like Uninspired 2.

Call of Duty? More like Modern Snore-fare.

Left 4 Dead 2? More like Expansion Pack Left 4 The Bargain Bin

Street Fighter 4? More like Arm Wrestling 8 Ex Plus ∑ Championship Ω Edition

Halo 3: ODST? More like Halo 3: ROYC (Rip Off Your Customers)

Demon's Souls? More like Shut-In's Utopia.

Killzone 2? More like Killzone 2 Little 2 Late.

No good sir, I'm talking about the best game released this year. Perhaps you've heard of it. No? You already saw it on the list of pretenders up there? Well then, I am here to remedy your ignorance.

Through my usual plucky internet channels, I was made aware of the fact that the demo for Hideki Kamiya's latest masterpiece, Bayonetta, was released.

Kamiya, you deranged genius, you.

If you really must boil Kamiya's brilliance down to something so simple as a genre description, Bayonetta is Kamiya's triumphant return to the 3rd person stylish action genre that he popularized when he and his team released Devil May Cry in 2001. In the demo, you can tell that Kamiya has clearly been taking notes from not only his own creations, but from the other challengers to the throne. Bayonetta controls like a dream; we finally have a game where the gameplay is as smooth as the protagonist herself (hawt). This game will blow your goddamned mind in ecstasy. Don't just take my word for it: Did I mention that Bayonetta was awarded a perfect score by Famitsu, putting it in good company with the likes of The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, Vagrant Story, Soul Calibur, and Metal Gear Solid 4?

Make sure you wear a bib and put up a tarp, because your eyeballs are going to explode. When your wife comes in the room and you tell her you need new eyes because you gazed upon 2009's forbidden masterpiece, remember your brief time with Bayonetta fondly. She'll be waiting for you once your name reaches the top of the eye donor list in 10 years. Or you should probably just skip the whole thing and tell your doctor that you want robot eyes, because only a machine's cold unfeeling logic could possibly process the exquisiteness that is Bayonetta without wanting to burst in ecstasy.






And yet, our lowly technology seems incapable of capturing the sheer majesty of this game. Forgive my trangression Bayonetta! I only wanted to spread your good news!

In conclusion:

East Vs. West and the Arbiter That Loved Them

So the ambitious journey to complete Final Fantasy XII begins.

With a few baby steps.

First impressions are that the game has not aged as well as I predicted it was going to. Even though FFXII was released a scant week or two before Gears of War, the artistry on display still held its own versus the technically impressive juggernaut. Now that we're firmly entrenched in the "HD Era" where even bite-sized arcade games are released in HD every week, it gets harder and harder to maintain a sense of perspective.

The quality of the voice acting also now strikes me as "competent" instead of the high bar I remember it setting. Perhaps it's too early to make that call (especially since Balthier has not yet made his appearance).

Hitoshi Sakimoto's music is still lovely though. While you can argue that it doesn't really fit what you expect from a main series entry, his work has defined Final Fantasy Tactics and anything relating to the land of Ivalice.

The establishing plot remains interesting however. The tiny Kingdom of Dalmasca is landlocked between two gigantic warring Empires. After getting overrun by the northern empire (wherein the heir to the throne is killed during the engagement), Dalmasca's king is forced to surrender. A pretty shocking betrayal follows where the high ranking Captain Basch assassinates the King of Dalmasca and the character you are controlling at the time (revealed to be Vaan's older brother with his dying breath). The marquis narrating the story so far (Cid, if I remember correctly) then reveals to us that the princess Ashe has committed suicide in her grief over the loss of her husband and country's independence.

Fast forward two years and we come to control the orphan Vaan. First User Interface irritation. You can't reverse the X-axis camera control. Arrrrrrrghghghghghgh. I used to be able to deal with controlling a "virtual camera" (where holding right swings the "camera" to the right so you see what is on your character's left and vice-versa). Having played so many third person shooters (like Resident Evil 4 and the Splinter Cell games, Gears of War, Metal Gear Solid 3 & 4, etc. etc. ETC. ETC.) makes this feel completely foreign to me. I remember this continuing to be a problem even during my first sojourn into this game.

Anyway, a bunch of non-interesting things happen where Vaan has to run errands for a shopkeeper that looks out for him. (Thankfully) as the story goes on, the irritating Vaan plays less and less of a role. This is probably an unpopular opinion, but Vaan doesn't strike me as being a likeable protagonist. I remember liking Tidus from FFX more (gasp!) It probably had to do with both you and Tidus being a stranger in a strange world and he acted as a decent enough cipher. How about a compromise: I don't think Vaan is nearly as interesting a protagonist as Zidane from FFIX. Both are meant to be sly thieves who are down on their luck and are trying to change their situation but Zidane was far more charming than this kid.

But I digress.

As for the game itself, well, only putting 30 minutes into this game hardly gets you to the "game" at all. I've succeeded in only watching the opening cinematic and narration and had to stop at the first real combat scenario. I am thinking about turning the battle speed up. It seems like there's too much of a lull in the action while I'm waiting for Vaan's action bar to fill up to do his next command. Standing around waiting for a bar to fill doesn't seem like that's how the developers intended the game to be played. When I get back to FFXII I will experiment with that setting.

Finally, any suggestions as to what I should title this blog "series"? I know that you can sort posts by tags, but I just want a title for consistency's sake.